Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The World Would Be a Better Place

I've got this mental list floating around in my head, "Things Every Person Should Do Once a Day." At the top of this list is 1) Hold a Baby. Not a fussy baby. The baby would have to be happy or sleeping. I understand that everyone's busy busy busy, so I'd only require 3 minutes. I've calculated that 3 minutes would provide the perfect amount of time for a person to calm his or her heart rate, take a deep breath to inhale the lovely scent of a baby's head, and then experience an almost immediate improvement in his or her attitude. Just imagine how serene people would be if every day upon arriving at the office, they clocked in, turned to the receptionist, who would hand them a freshly-bathed cooing baby, and then gently jiggled the infant for 3 minutes before starting the work day? Wal-Mart already has greeters in place at their front entrances; how hard would it be for them to stick a couple of babies in an extra cart to hand out to people to hold for 3 minutes before they started shopping?

Second on my list is 2) Stroke a Beagle's Ear. If you've never felt a beagle's ears, you're in for a treat. I don't know what they're made of, but it is the softest material on earth. Softer than the softest fleece blanket. I made this point recently to some dinner guests. We were all sitting around in the living room having dessert when I noticed my 9-year-old daughter petting Daisy's ears. In that slightly loud, strained voice of mine that I use when I'm trying to be the center of attention, I said, "Man, beagles' ears are soooo soft, aren't they?" Everyone nodded, and quietly um-hmmed in agreement. I went on, "What I wouldn't do for a blanket made out of beagle ears. Now that would be one soft blanket." Silence. I kid you not, forks hung in mid-air as people's hands froze halfway between their open mouths and their plates of pie balanced on their laps. I heard a sniffle from my right and turned to see tears welling up in the eyes of my friend's 10-year-old little girl. My peripheral vision caught a slight movement to my left; my daughter was pulling Daisy closer to her in a protective embrace. They all thought I was some kind of depraved Cruella De Vil. "Heh, heh," I laughed weakly. "That didn't come out right."

My point is, if you don't own a beagle, go find one right now and pet her ears! You'll feel lots better.

Dinner last night: chicken pot pie, green salad


Unknown said...

I can SOOO relate. Chocolate lab ears are also wonderfully soft, and I find myself rubbing my Sam's ears when we snuggle up in bed every night just like my youngest used to do with his "woobie" blanket. And I'm a nurse, so when I go to work every morning I make sure and go past the nursery windows and look at the babies. No matter how much I tap and smile and motion they won't let me come in and hold one, though. Those nursery nurses are just baby hogs!

Unknown said...

You mean babies don't scream 24 hours a day? How come no one told mine that?

kelly said...

I have to comment on this one, we owned a beagle for 12 and a half years and yes you are right, there is nothing to compare with the silky softness of a beagles ear, 'silk purse' my husband calls them. Labradors, are soooo lovely (and better behaved usually) my mum has a black one, but I'm afraid the beagle wins hands down on the silky ear contest!.

Joey Lynn Resciniti said...

I used to have a basset hound when I was a kid - his ears were lovely.

I'm not with you on the baby thing though - unless it's my baby. Other people's babies should be held by other people, it's my rule!

Helene said...

Your beagle's ears remind me of one of our rabbits' ears. He was a french lop bunny and his ears were so long and soft. It was very comforting to stroke his ears, like a warm fuzzy blanket!!

On the other hand, I have no desire to hold a baby once a day, screaming or not!!! Maybe in about 20 years or so but definitely not now!

Karen M. Peterson said...

Hahaha! I don't think a day goes by that something I say doesn't come out wrong.

I agree about the holding babies bit. If there were any readily available for me, I'd probably keep them longer than three minutes!

paul peggy zeus said...

Here, Here to holding babies with their wonderful fragrance (minus the dirty diaper) and to velvety soft beagle ears - we had one when I was a child and I still remember how smooth those ears were.

glitzen said...

Ooh yes, beagle ears. Lab ears too! I even called a pair of soft-as-butter socks that I had, "Moses-Ear" socks. Our dog's name was Moses. I still call soft socks Moses-Ear socks, in his memory. :)
Babies every day! Yes, such a great idea. I believe you are onto something. I tend to stand and rock invisible babies anyway, although my girls are now 11 and 12. Weird, huh?